Un Necessary list of 2006

I am compiling a list of things that someone thought that we couldn't live without......... Topping the list as the number one thing I could do without is..................Basic Instinct 2. Now I have to admit. The first time I watched this movie wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy back in '92 I thought it was pretty kick ass. Of course I watched because I wanted to see Sharon Stone cross her legs. That was pretty much it. Then I made the mistake of watching it a few more times and realized that the movie sucked ass. Not to mention the more I watched it the more I had to admit that when Miss Stone crossed her legs, you don't get to see a Goddamned thing. Some people will tell you that you see the promise land. Me. Well. I don't see anything except alot of darkness. Maybe that's the point. Sharon Stones got a huge ass hogie hole. Anyway. Sharon Stone was pretty hot back then. So you got to see some pretty realistic "relations" going on and as far as I can remember, no Michael Douglas ass. Thank God! However! Fast forward 14 years. Now we have an elder Sharon Stone. I'm not impressed. You can tell that she has been involved in some serious bodily renovations. I could probably get into a straight to DVD sequel, that had Jessica Alba as the villaness. Some movies you can just tell there is gonna be a sequel. I mean, when I saw Star Wars Episode One I just KNEW there was gonna be a sequel. Passion of the Christ? Nope. Titanic? Nope. Basic Instinct? It was not necessary. The number one unnecessary thing from 2005 makes its yearly appearance on the list in the number two spot this year. NASCAR. This yearly right of passage for idiots all around the country celebrates the skill of driving in circles in colorful "stock" cars. Occassionally one of these pricks gets mad that one of his fellow "drivers" cheats and walks out on the track and throws his helmet at the other car. Boy Jethro! Thats manly! The one redeaming quality of NASCAR is that sometimes you get to see one of these assholes get his ass killed. At number three is Jennifer Love Hewitts new show, Ghost Whisperer. Christ woman! You had most of male America eating out of the palm of your pretty little hands a few years ago now look at you. You are on a shitty show with the female equivalent to a bowl cut on your head. We already had a crappy show where the protagonist sees dead people. We have achieved maximum stupid ass concept density. In the number 4 spot is Amanda Bines and Hillary Duffs careers. Amanda Bines is riding Hillary Duffs coat tails in this one due to her not nosing her way into a singing career. Hillary Duff cannot sing. I don't know who told her that she could but her voice is absolutely lifeless and flat. Although it is mercifully on key (most of the time), it has no power behind it. The studio has voiced over her songs but you can still tell she sucks. The old saying, "You can't paint a tird." comes to mind. Is she hot? Hell yeah but her no talent sister is even hotter and her career is in the toilet. Amanda Bines is being shoe horned into the title of "young actress". They really throw that term around loosely these days. At number 4 is the show "The Simple Life". I really don't like Paris Hilton. I don't think she's all that hot. I'm of a mind that a womans personality is half of her allure. She can be physically attractive and be bitch or a loon and that will totaly kill the hotness. Some chick on the MTV show, Next, the other day was marginally hot but when it came to her likes and dislikes it listed the fact that she preferred the smell of body odor to perfume. Hey I like a freak as well as the next guy but my God thats nasty. Fuckin nasty. Any hotness she had got trumped by the fact that her "flower" is probably badly groomed and stanky. Paris is far from the best looking girl I ever saw. That little troll (Nichole Richie) that skulks around the country with her is fuckin gross. Both are mega bitches. Why people think we want to watch it is beyond me. Guess that hints to the general publics rampant stupidity. Now last, and certainly least, stumbling in at number 5, are parades. Parades were cool at one time. Then we invented the wheel and we had better things to do. Think of it. Standing next to a street, usually in the rain, watching highschool kids, usually the fat pimplefaced ones, walk down the street playing music. You throw in some asshole public figures that you didn't vote for, in old cars and some Shriners and you got a perfectly good afternoon wasted. Now I realize that some people have a dog in the parade fight. Their kid is marching, or waving, or won some hog breeding contest and they want to see their little darling doing their thing. I can understand those people. But the people that watch that god awful Thanksgiving Day parade and the parade of Roses. Piss on that. Unlike NASCAR where they will show the wrecks over and over and over again to my delight, when a balloon say knocks over a lamp post sending it careening into the crowd? They bleep it out, cut to the previous years footage, and read from a script...........don't laugh it really happened this past year. So there is no redeaming quality to parades at all. Unless it's one of those cool parades with missles and tanks and guys walking down the street doing the goose step. Now that shits cool.